Rating: ★★ Blurb: When Griffin's first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he's been imagining for himself has gone far off course. To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin's downward spiral continues. He's losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he's been keeping are tearing him apart. If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life. Goodreads Link (Spoiler review below) When I first picked this book up, probably around the same time it had released, I never knew the hellish book purgatory I would be dragged into by trying to finish it not once, not twice, but nearly four times. History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera started off as a blessing, I loved this book when I originally got it and wouldn’t even put it down through dinner. I was immediately thrown into this world with no introduction as to who, what, where, why, and how. That aspect gripped me, and admittedly did in my later attempts to finish the novel. However, the more I got into the story, the less the placement of the beginning and other parts of the book seemed to add up for me. While I appreciated the differing past and present chapters instead of having different points of view, the whole book felt like a game of telephone, where the same things were being said over and over again. Shortly after the opening funeral scene, the story also doesn’t really… go anywhere? Like yes, Griffin’s hanging out with Jackson, or sneaking away to California, or talking about his past relationships, but jeez I literally had to convince myself with hour-long breaks from the book to finish it just so I could get it over with already. There were definitely ways this could’ve been prevented too. Characters like Veronika and Anika and their subsequent scenes with Jackson and Griffin felt totally unnecessary. I love to see more drama in books, but the two of them being added didn’t really give much to the plot. The writing style, too, contributed to my getting bored with the book over time. The entire way the novel told is primarily with Griffin talking to Theo. This in itself isn’t inherently weird, but the combination of switching between Griffin’s thoughts, observations, dialogues, and talks with Theo made it confusing at certain points throughout the book. The poetic similes and phrasing that Silvera uses are so overly done throughout the story that much of the flowery language comes across as very ‘fake deep’ to some extent. My opinion over the course of the book towards each character made me dislike nearly every one of them except for Wade. At first, I thought Theo was going to be a strong contender, with his dialogue and wit feeling the most natural rather than crafted. Then we discover that Theo had made out with Griffin while he was in a relationship with Jackson, as well as baiting Griffin into believing they’d have a second chance as a couple? Not cool. Griffin I too thought would be likable, with only his grief and jealousy being understandable at the beginning. Then we discover that Griffin broke up with Theo so he really has little to justify his jealousy, using things like sex just to get back at others, and doing things “for Theo” as some sort of rationalization? Awful. The overarching point in the book where I could visibly notice my interest take a complete 180 was the moment that the phrase ‘Eskimo kiss’ slipped out. Not once either, but multiple times. This seems small and probably confuses many people as to how this could upset me, one of the whitest book reviewers alive. I (someone who’s grandparents are Native/Inuit) consider this term a slur, as do many. While many Alaskan tribes use this as a form of self-identification, the Inuit of Canada and Greenland surely don’t. There’s a lot of history that I’m not going to get into now, but let’s just say this really made me put the book down for quite a while. To skew off of my tangent now, Wade is the only character who somehow deserves better yet has everything bad happen to him. From being added on as a third-wheel to the Theo/Griffin relationship, to being used by Griffin for sex that didn’t seem to really mean anything, and his lack of being allowed to grieve from Griffin and everyone else even though he knew Theo longer than Griffin had. Another thing I won’t delve too deeply into, but to say the least, Wade deserved better. Finally, the last nail on the coffin for me was two obvious formatting and typo errors. A lot of people don’t care about stuff like this? But I couldn’t read “‘I’m okay.’ I wipe my forehead with the back of my head. ‘I got stuck in my head.’” and not go over it, again and again, to be sure I got it right. This is by no means Silvera’s fault (nor is the date on page 165 that was completely different looking), but it really distracted from the other consistent formatting as seen throughout the book. This review really did seem to tear the author’s work to shreds, but really this so far has been my worst read of the year. The only thing keeping me from giving it a one-star rating is that there certainly were little parts that gave me joy or evoked something out of me. But overall I really wouldn’t suggest picking this book up unless you’re ready for the long haul of trying to finish it.
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